Darkness falls, except the moon;
A silver fog hangs above the ground.
The aforementioned moon sits
Suspended in the sky, like a dented coin
Pressed into the hand of a
Well-deserving waitress (expecting only copper)
By a grizzled traveler, sitting alone,
Passing through the night.
From where this stands in the series of “untitled metaphors,” I probably wrote it the winter of my sophomore year of college, but I don’t remember exactly, and I don’t think it was prompted by any specific event or sight.
I always welcome your comments, questions, or other feedback about this or any other part of my work. If you’d like to read more of my poetry, you can browse my archive. You may also share this poem with others, subject to my sharing policy.
Shine Cycle Online 
I’m probably not the best critic…but here’s a slight restructing you might consider…further you might want to find a different metaphor for “grizzled” that ties more directly to moonlight…what I mean is couldn’t there be someway of using the light of the moon to produce the gray hair…these are just random thoughts…hope they are somewhat helpful.
A silver fog hangs above the ground.
As darkness falls, except the moon;
Suspended in the sky, like a dented coin
Pressed into the hand of a
Well-deserving waitress (expecting only copper)
By a grizzled traveler, sitting alone,
Passing through the night.
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